When Brooklyn Beckham used his social media to make official his desire to distance himself from his family, he did so with a blunt phrase composed of six words that inevitably made people think of the estrangement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle from the Windsors. “I don’t want to reconcile with my family.” Family estrangement remains a taboo despite the fact that more and more people are choosing to distance themselves from their families, and those who have done so believe that removing the stigma will allow more people to leave unhealthy family relationships without feeling shame or guilt.
Alejandro Ferrer, systemic-relational psychotherapist certified by FEATF and psychologist, explains that family estrangement remains a taboo because it touches one of the deepest beliefs of our culture: the myth of the united family. “Under this narrative, blood ties are placed above any conflict. From a systemic perspective, this is not accidental. In every family, invisible loyalties operate: deep emotional commitments that bind us to the system beyond the conscious. These loyalties are passed down from generation to generation and sustain us in the sense of belonging, but they can also trap us. Many people remain in dynamics that harm them not due to lack of awareness, but out of loyalty to the family system,” he assures. He comments that physical distancing is usually the last step of a long and silent process, as before that there is denial of one’s own needs and emotional distancing. “That is why separating, taking distance, or setting boundaries can activate intense guilt and be considered a taboo, not only because of the feeling of defying what is socially and familiarly expected of us, but also because it challenges a part of our identity,” he adds.
Ferrer believes that nowadays, with new generations having grown up with greater access to information about mental health and emotional boundaries, younger people can identify dynamics that were previously normalized or not even named. However, he warns that there is a risk of overdiagnosing or pigeonholing complex situations with simplified labels. “Not every conflict is abuse, and not every discomfort requires a break. Differentiating between specific difficulties — which are part of any family — and persistent patterns of harm is fundamental. Also, estrangement does not always solve the underlying problem,” he comments. Because although sometimes it allows breathing space and gaining autonomy, if there is no internal work, it can become a way of building a parallel life without truly integrating one’s own history.
Dr. Joshua Coleman said on the Where Parents Talk podcast that estrangement between parents and children was “a kind of silent epidemic” and that ideas about the need to stay with family have been replaced by a much more identity-based perspective that believes if a relationship is not convincing, the best thing is to distance oneself. “Protecting mental health has become a major priority. There are many adult children who distance themselves from their parents, undoubtedly due to abuse and neglect, but also for much more psychological, subtle, and political reasons, and that is causing many disorders,” he comments.
“I don’t want to have anything to do with my parents now or in the future. When they get old and the big downturn comes, we’ll see how we handle it in the most aseptic way possible. It sounds horrible to have to talk like this about parents but it’s the reality, because they did not fulfill their responsibility to their daughter,” said Inés Hernand in an interview with El País. Believing that family should always be placed above any other priority can push some people to remain in deeply unsatisfactory or even harmful relationships, under the premise that breaking the bond would be an unforgivable betrayal. It can also fuel dynamics of guilt and emotional pressure that make it difficult to make free decisions. The myth that family must stay united at all costs considers the family as a compact block, almost as if it were a single voice with identical thoughts, emotions, and experiences. It forgets, therefore, that each member has their own identity, desires, and ways of understanding life. Precisely ignoring that diversity can generate invisible tensions and silenced conflicts, sustained by the idea that questioning unity is equivalent to putting the family bond at risk.
“It is just as valid to decide to cut family ties as to continue in them if you feel that now you will be able to do so in a truly healthier way,” writes Marta Martínez Novoa in Families That Hurt (Unintentionally) (Zenith, 2026). “Cutting a family tie is not only a personal decision, it is also a deep emotional movement that can stir very old wounds, activate fear of rejection or loneliness, and even make you doubt yourself,” assures the psychologist. José Antonio Sande Martínez, author of Emergency Manual for Abused Women (Desclée De Brouwer, 2026), opines that young people have been born into a society where the emotional world was already present from their birth. “Let us not forget that this ‘emotional revolution’ arose somewhat after the publication of the book Emotional Intelligence (Editorial Kairós, 1996) by Daniel Goleman and that the birth and evolution of neuroscience has largely grounded attention to the emotional world. Young people today are more aware and better informed, even through movies, series, and books. This makes them more proactive in protecting their emotionality,” he assures. “Currently, there are many ways to face toxic situations in the family or relationships. Perhaps the first could be family mediation work for simpler cases and with goodwill on all sides. In more complex cases, emotional therapy and psychological therapy in its many variants can be of great help,” he indicates.
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Alejandro Ferrer considers it essential to differentiate between boundaries and rupture. “Boundaries are designed to define how far a relationship goes; estrangement often implies a total interruption of contact. They are not always the same nor do they serve the same function. A useful question might be: ‘Does this distance protect me or is it distancing me from something I still need to process?’ Sometimes that reparative relationship is not with the family of origin, but with the family we build in adulthood, with friends, partners, or even with ourselves symbolically,” he explains. Inés Hernand herself, when she presented The TV Family, stated that “family is an institution that must be reversed like the concept we had of traditional and taken to the family you choose.”
But family distancing does not have to be forever. The key is not to go back to how things were before, but that there is recognition of the harm and a real willingness to change. “Without that foundation, any attempt at reconciliation tends to repeat the same pattern. Repair means being able to talk about what hurts without escalating the conflict, choosing appropriate moments, and learning to regulate emotionally and relationally. In some cases, repair does not mean recovering previous closeness, but redefining the type of possible bond: perhaps more limited contact or, if there are profound changes, a more transformed relationship,” explains Alejandro Ferrer, who indicates that the essential thing is that responsibility is shared, not allowing all the effort to fall on the person who suffered the harm. “Repair is not erasing the past, but integrating it to build a different relationship. And if that is not viable, it is also legitimate to redefine the bond in a way that protects the dignity and well-being of each person,” he assures.
The delicate thing about distancing oneself from family and advocating for zero contact is that in a digitalized world, knowing about those from whom someone distances themselves unintentionally is very common. As if that were not enough, with the online universe covered by a constant happiness filter 3.0, it can be mentally destabilizing for those with discordant relationships to encounter the past and discover that apparently, the lives of those people they distanced themselves from are absolutely happy without them. “Never in our history have we been so accessible to our family and friends. Social networks, on the one hand, allow us to quickly connect with those we love. On the other, they give those we love, or those we once loved, enormous power to reach us and hurt us from almost anywhere in the world,” commented psychologist Joshua Coleman, a specialist in estrangement, in an article published in The Guardian in which he explained that after having distanced himself from his family some time ago, he had to make immense efforts to also distance himself from any attempt at digital closeness.
The essential thing is to remember that, as in romantic relationships, both parties need to be willing to reconcile to return. Ferrer clarifies at the end that in cases of severe abuse it may be the only possible option but in others internal work can open different paths.
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