There is a saying: “Lies have very short legs,” which means that lies are soon discovered, as the truth, in the end, is revealed. Or not, because lying may be an art for the person who does it and who is never found out. But what happens when, moreover, the lies come from someone in the family, like a sibling? “More than confronting the situation, it is usually more useful to understand what function that lie serves, because affection and lying are not always incompatible,” explains Dr. Belén Gutiérrez, child and adolescent psychiatrist and psychotherapist. And it is precisely in the family environment where lying takes on a deeper meaning. “It is where defensive lies most often appear, precisely because it is the place where we are most emotionally at stake,” explains Gutiérrez. “The more important the bond, the more fear there may be of disappointing or losing the image that the other has of us,” assures this expert.
Read more The voice of Artemis 2 was first heard in Spain: “It is wonderful to hear Earth again”
The way emotions are expressed in the family, or whether going with the truth is punished, is crucial. “In environments where showing emotions is penalized, where making mistakes implies humiliation, or where conflict cannot be discussed, lying can become consolidated as a relational survival strategy,” she continues. Because when a child lies, there is not always bad intention behind it, but discomfort in facing the truth: “Many times there is little tolerance for the discomfort that the truth would generate.”
When someone close lies habitually, it is easy to focus only on the behavior and react from anger or frustration. However, if we stay only there, we lose very valuable information. This is how Elena Sánchez Escobar, psychologist and clinical director of the Yees psychology center, sees it. “That person may have learned that their opinion is not valid, that their needs are not heard, or that expressing what they feel can generate conflict or disproportionate reactions in others. In that context, the lie does not appear just because, but as a strategy that, at some point, has allowed them to adapt,” she argues.
Sánchez Escobar assures that it is necessary to ask several questions: “What space are we creating for a child to be able to express themselves honestly? How do we react when they say something we do not like?” Sometimes, without realizing it, we contribute to making the truth harder to sustain than the lie, an idea that connects with what is stated.
Traits of a person with a tendency to lie
Trust in family bonds is one of the pillars that support affection. A research article published in the scientific journal Springer Nature last November 2025 titled The effect of interpersonal trust on deception, explains how interpersonal trust reduces deception and concludes that lies do not depend only on the trust relationship, but also on personality. Thus, even in a family environment where there is trust, a person can lie if personal factors influence their behavior more.
For clinical psychologist and psychodramatist Constanza Vásquez, one of the most relevant issues to understand deception is to try to focus more on the bond with the person than on the content of the lie. “Lying is not an anomaly, but a human, universal, and sometimes even functional behavior. A child can lie to adapt or regulate emotionally, which leads them to avoid punishments, conflicts, or negative consequences from their parents,” argues this specialist.
As Vásquez expresses, anyone who lies, whether adult or child, can do so to protect their self-esteem. “It has to do with how I present myself to others to avoid shame or guilt, or to gain material or symbolic advantages,” she explains. “It is not about saying ‘that is a lie,’ but rather changing it to: ‘I find it hard to trust you when things are not clear,’” she adds. In this way, according to her explanation, the focus shifts from accusation to the relationship, which helps maintain clear boundaries.
It is not about tolerating harmful behaviors, manipulations, or deceptions, but about understanding the function of the lie. “It can help us to ask ourselves: what purpose does lying serve for this person?” Vásquez asks. For this expert, setting boundaries without attacking or not entering into arguments about every lie is a good way to face it, something that links to the debate about so-called “white lies.” There are also personality traits for which a person lies, such as the need for quick answers—if lying solves something, they do it—discomfort with doubt or uncertainty, or a view of situations in terms of practical outcome. “Lies are not corrected by unmasking them; understanding the psychological need that supports them is usually more effective, since constant confrontation can reinforce the problem.”
For example, “white” lies seek to protect the other, to look good, or to reduce social friction. “Some lies or ‘little lies’ facilitate coexistence to adapt to the reality in which I live, but others can damage the bond and erode the relationship with the other,” points out Constanza Vásquez. In the latter case, or when lying becomes pathological, the most appropriate thing is to consult a professional.
Read more Birdwatchers who count birds: “Some choose a dog or a cat, we choose goldfinches”
