Summer is the season when it is easiest to meet new romantic interests. But whereas it used to be common to discover the other person’s warning signs too late, nowadays, thanks to the large number of texts about relational red and yellow flags, it is not unusual to stop a relationship before things get ugly. So much has been said about the famous flags that it didn’t take long to start talking about the so-called beige flags, a term coined on TikTok by user Caitlin MacPhail. These are signals that reveal someone is uninteresting or really boring. That is, nothing alarming, but something to keep in mind to perhaps avoid not unnecessary dramas, but yawns that can lead to abrupt endings. In this sea of flags, yellow flags are now being discussed, which, as Ana Lombardía, an expert in sexual health and wellness at We-Vibe, explains, are signals that invite attention. “Although they do not necessarily imply a problem, they are something that deserves to be observed with curiosity and context. It can be a behavior, a way of communicating, or a pattern that should be better understood before drawing conclusions,” she assures. On the other hand, she clarifies, a beige flag does not indicate a possible risk, but rather a peculiar, dull, or simply unexciting characteristic of a person. “They are those quirks or traits that may seem strange or boring but do not have to affect the quality of the relationship. In reality, many beige flags say more about our tastes or expectations than about the other person,” she clarifies.
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Changing colors
Lara Ferreiro, author of Not One More Jerk!: The Definitive Method to Love Yourself and Find Your Perfect Partner (Grijalbo), indicates that a yellow flag is an early warning sign that should be observed, as it can become a green flag if the person recognizes that behavior and works to change it, or a red flag if it persists over time and ends up consolidating as a relational pattern. “It indicates that there may be an emotional dynamic that deserves attention because, if it becomes chronic, it can affect trust, communication, or emotional security,” she says. She clarifies that although it does not mean the relationship is doomed, it does invite questioning whether that behavior is a one-time thing or part of a habitual way of relating. “We talk about patterns because an isolated incident does not define a person; what matters is repetition, the impact it has on the relationship, and the absence of awareness or change. It is also important to analyze the context: a one-time behavior after a stressful moment does not have the same meaning as a behavior that repeats systematically and ends up causing discomfort in the couple,” she adds.
But when does a yellow flag become dangerous? Psychologist, transpersonal therapist, expert mentor in advanced relationships and conscious sexuality Patricia Sánchez also agrees that it happens when the behavior stops being occasional and becomes a pattern. “The big indicator is not the isolated behavior, but the repetition without awareness, without repair, and without change. When a signal persists over time, generates constant discomfort, and the other person minimizes, justifies, avoids, or denies it, it stops being an invitation to observe and starts becoming an alarm signal where we must sit down to analyze if we are in the right place to elevate our identity and share from complete security and ease,” she explains to S Moda. “We can all have a bad day, react from a wound, or make a mistake. What really matters is not the mistake, but the person’s awareness and what they do afterward. Do they take responsibility? Do they listen? Do they have the capacity to repair and apologize? Is there a real intention to change? Do they show a high level of depth and awareness or do they stay on the surface of what happened? Are they really 100% willing to get to the root and work on themselves?” she asks.
Ferreiro adds signals that indicate things are not going well that do not have to do with how the other person acts, but with oneself. “When you start normalizing behaviors that used to make you feel uncomfortable, you have to be careful. This is what psychology knows as normalization of toxicity: what at first seemed unacceptable ends up becoming ‘normal’ within the relationship,” she says. Another indicator she mentions is changing your way of being to avoid conflicts. “At that moment, the relationship stops being a safe space and becomes an environment of constant surveillance. Instead of feeling free, you start living in a state of emotional hypervigilance, anticipating what might upset the other to avoid consequences,” she points out.
Overanalysis and hypervigilance
It is important to keep in mind that social networks, by popularizing many relational terms and subjecting behaviors within romantic dynamics to real autopsies, sometimes lead to dangerous hypervigilance. That is why Lombardía warns that the problem arises when people stop getting to know others and start continuously evaluating them. In the attempt to avoid discomfort at all costs and, of course, to avoid being hurt, flags become an attempt to obtain guarantees that, in reality, do not exist.
“The risk is falling into a kind of hypervigilance: interpreting any difference, discomfort, or imperfection as a reason to discard someone. Healthy relationships require discernment, but also tolerance for uncertainty. No one is a collection of flags; we are people with stories, learnings, and contradictions,” she assures. She comments that the best radar is not the one that detects the most signals, but the one that distinguishes between an incompatibility, a personality trait, a one-time mistake, and a truly harmful pattern.
The most common yellow flags
The consulted experts list some of the most common yellow flags. A warning: there are quite a few.
- Difficulty expressing emotions or talking about uncomfortable topics. This can be due to a lack of skills, previous experiences, or a lack of trust that has not yet been built…
- Inconsistent communication. Happens in people who are sometimes very close and other times very distant, without it being clear yet whether such behavior responds to their lifestyle, a pattern, or a lack of interest or availability for a relationship.
- Having recently come out of an important relationship and not being clear how much emotional space is available for a new one.
- Significant differences in expectations about commitment, living together, life projects, or sexuality, which are not a problem in themselves but should be addressed soon to discern if we are compatible as a couple.
- Differences in bed, such as different levels of sexual desire or interest in certain practices or toys, are something to observe and build together.
- A tendency to avoid conflicts or, on the contrary, to argue impulsively. It is not necessarily a red flag, but something to observe how it evolves.
- Difficulty taking responsibility when a problem arises. If someone never acknowledges their part, it can end up becoming a more worrying sign.
- Speaking badly of ex-partners as a rule. If all previous relationships ended because “the others were crazy” or “it was always the other’s fault,” it may indicate difficulties in taking responsibility and self-criticism.
- Downplaying jealousy or presenting it as proof of love. Jealousy can appear in any relationship, but justifying it as love is a sign to start observing.
- Inconsistency between what they say and what they do. Promises a lot but delivers little. Talks about commitment, but their behaviors convey distance.
- Constant need for external validation. Depends excessively on others’ approval, likes, opinions of their environment, or needs to feel continuously admired. If this need dominates the relationship, it can generate insecurity and emotional dependence.
- Rigidity and little capacity to adapt. Has difficulty negotiating, yielding, or accepting different points of view. Healthy relationships require psychological flexibility; when everything has to be done their way, coexistence usually suffers.
- Lack of reciprocity. Never initiates conversations, organizes plans, apologizes, or emotionally supports the relationship. Reciprocity does not mean doing everything 50% every day, but that both invest in the bond in a balanced way over time.
- Does not respect small boundaries. It may seem unimportant at first, but the way a person responds to boundaries says a lot about how they understand respect.
Patricia Sánchez clarifies that none of these signs alone makes someone a bad partner. “For me, the biggest mistake is not ignoring the signs, but turning any imperfection into a red or yellow flag before really getting to know the person,” she points out. Ana Lombardía adds that yellow flags are not a diagnosis or a sentence, but an invitation to ask more questions, observe the coherence between what a person says and does, and see how the relationship evolves over time. “Healthy relationships are not built by avoiding any warning signs, but by learning to interpret them with judgment and without losing sight of the context,” she concludes.
Just as when going to the beach and seeing a yellow flag it is advisable to enter the sea carefully but not necessarily stay on the towel, when seeing a yellow flag in someone you are getting to know, you should not stop the relationship, but be careful and talk to see if it is possible to reach a good port or if it is the sign of a shipwreck.
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